12 Things Traditionally Published Authors Might Say To Self-Published Authors

1.  “Tut, tut, my friend. Money must flow to the author.”
2.  “Oh dear. You mean your book wasn’t published by a real publisher.”
3.  “Well, you know, rejection is part of being an author. We must all first suffer for our art before we succeed.”
4.  “Maybe you should have taken more time to write a better book.”
5.  “Good lord! You mean you didn’t even try and submit it to an agent or publisher first?”
6.  “It’s just that I feel these self-published books are giving us good writers a bad name.”
7.  “Ahh! I suppose it’s that extra seal of approval readers look for in my books.”
8.  “Well, if it wasn’t for us bestselling authors, I’m not sure any new authors would be signed by publishers.”
9.  “Well, now you’ve published it yourself, I’m not sure my editor would be all that interested.”
10. “It feels like tennis elbow. I’ve spent all morning at my publisher’s distributor signing a thousand books.”
11. “The next book will be a while coming out. My agent and publisher actually loved it. It’s just that they both felt it was a little, em … risqué and challenging for today’s market.”
12. “Yes, the fickleness of the publishing industry! Oh, before I go … you wouldn’t have any good marketing tips, would you? It’s just that my publisher is at me again to give another push on my last book.”